• captnsupremo on Twitter
  • captnsupremo on Last.fm
  • captnsupremo on Flickr
  • John Raines on Google+
  • Heavenly Speech, Heavenly Sorrow

    Sometimes my mind wanders to subjects that offer immediate comfort. I am learning to turn from them. They’re usually not even real. God, you are real.

    God is more difficult and easier to listen to than other friends. What he says of me is more alike and more dislike what I think myself to be than what others say. When what I want are words, he may give none. For years. He has spoken the fewest words to me of all my friends, of all my loves. And yet he has said the most. He is the only one who can speak directly to me by any leaf or grain of sand. He is able to imbue a sunset with a meaning and message that is solely mine. None else could do this.

    A friend of mine asked recently if I found it difficult to believe that in heaven we will look into the eyes of those who now cause us sorrow and know peace. God was in that question. And the answer is no, I don’t find it difficult to believe any more. I can remember going to heaven. Many of us have been there, briefly, only we seldom remember it–remember what it feels like. I barely can. 

    I remember that what I feel when I am there is not the absence of sorrow, but the perfection of it. The same is true of joy, if that is what I bring with me. I no longer feel true things fighting each other for existence there, things like true sorrow and true joy. That is a place where true things, real things, do not cancel each other out. 

    God, you are real. Make me real.

    By · August 19, 2014 · contemplation · [Print]

    Leave a Reply